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SEC Media Days dazes media, fans

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Alabama coach Nick Saban will be one of the headliners at SEC Media Days in Birmingham. (Source: Alabama Athletics Communications) Alabama coach Nick Saban will be one of the headliners at SEC Media Days in Birmingham. (Source: Alabama Athletics Communications)
Gus Malzahn got Auburn all the way to the BCS National Championship Game last year. (Source: Auburn Athletics) Gus Malzahn got Auburn all the way to the BCS National Championship Game last year. (Source: Auburn Athletics)
Georgia's Todd Gurley will be among the players available for interviews at SEC Media Days. (Source: Georgia Bulldogs) Georgia's Todd Gurley will be among the players available for interviews at SEC Media Days. (Source: Georgia Bulldogs)
Ole Miss QB Bo Wallace is one of the most experienced returning QBs in the league this year. And his hair is perfect. (Source: Joshua McCoy, Ole Miss Athletics) Ole Miss QB Bo Wallace is one of the most experienced returning QBs in the league this year. And his hair is perfect. (Source: Joshua McCoy, Ole Miss Athletics)
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  • SEC Media Days dazes media, fans

    SEC Media Days dazes media, fans

    Monday, July 14 2014 1:30 PM EDT2014-07-14 17:30:02 GMT
    The long, dark night that has persisted since the end of football season is almost over. SEC Media Days, that glimmer of hope before life begins again anew, kicks off this week in Hoover, AL. More >>
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    Sunday, August 31 2014 6:27 PM EDT2014-08-31 22:27:33 GMT
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    Sunday, August 31 2014 3:14 PM EDT2014-08-31 19:14:00 GMT
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    Sunday, August 31 2014 1:51 PM EDT2014-08-31 17:51:41 GMT

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(RNN) - SEC Media Days, the unofficial beginning of getting ready to start thinking seriously about college football kicks off in a giant hotel in Hoover, AL, on Monday.

The midsummer mega-gala of mob-rule media excess, snooze-worthy coaches’ rhetoric and poorly lighted photo opportunities of athletes wearing suits talking into microphones, for all its absurdity, comes like a cooling breeze in the desert of deprivation that has reduced fans of the one true sport to watching World Cup soccer and willing themselves to care about baseball.

What are the burning questions? How many days are left until kickoff? Forty-five from Monday.

Will the hurry-up, no-huddle offense destroy football, as suggested by Alabama supercoach Nick Saban and Arkansas mentor Bret Bielema, who united to unsuccessfully beg the NCAA for an emergency rules change after getting their behinds kicked by fast-running teams last year? The two proponents of grinding it out said the devilish style of play presented a safety issue, because running so fast will make players get tired and you can’t substitute on defense, and you might lose to Auburn and Oklahoma if you’re Alabama and to everybody else if you’re Arkansas. Auburn’s Gus Malzahn and Bielema provided some spark when they took rhetorical shots at each other last year, and Saban takes and gives shots everywhere he goes, so here’s hoping.

Will the newfangled College Football Playoff reaffirm the awesome dominance of the Southeastern Conference and cause all other conferences to crumble to dust under the relentless juggernaut of everlasting destruction? Yes, it will.

Will any of the players attending media days say anything worth taking notes on? No. We miss Johnny Football already.

What will result from the launch of the SEC Network on Aug. 14? How will it change sports? Will the athletes ever get any of the money? (Not likely). How long will it be before the SEC will have control of all the money in the world and we will have to ask the SEC for two bucks anytime we want to buy a Slurpee from the 7-11?

Steve Spurrier probably has the best team he’s had yet at South Carolina and he tends to get mouthier the better his team is. He already took shots at Saban last spring. This could be great.

Will Nick Saban do that laser-beam hate stare his assistant coaches call “the bug zapper?” Yes.

Will Florida coach Will Muschamp be here this time next year? Good question.

Who has prettier hair, Ole Miss QB Bo Wallace or Angelina Jolie and Jared Leto combined? Bo Wallace, duh.

Will Les Miles say something goofy? Is water wet?

Will Butch Jones return Tennessee to the dominant glory of years past? He has already restored respect to the program by not wearing orange pants at any time last season.

If Kentucky goes to a bowl game, will it prove global warming is real? Yes.

What’s Vanderbilt’s new coach’s name? We'll get back to you on that.

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