Dicus vs. Abercrombie (and Hannemann)

Hawaii is talking about a pamphlet circulated by the Mufi Hannemann campaign, comparing certain selected things between him and Neil Abercrombie. Howard wondered what it's like to be targeted by something like this and decided to experiment by comparing Neil with himself.

Howard vs. Neil - Compare and Decide

Neil: Born June 26, 1938
Me: Born June 26, 1953
I'm more youthful.

Neil was born in New York.
I was born in Maryland.
I think Maryland is more Hawaiian than New York.

Neil is married to a haole.
My wife is a Hawaii-born Filipina.
I win. (By the way my first wife was part-Hawaiian so i would beat Mufi, too.)

Neil graduated from UH.
I'm a community college dropout.
Okay, so maybe Neil knows more than I do. That's what comparing college records means, right?

Business experience: my first job was processing unemployment claims in Baltimore. I worked in a Kaiser aluminum factory one summer and I worked for 7-Eleven. I know where they put the spare cash. During these same years, Neil had no private sector jobs because he was frittering away his time as a Congressman. Mufi was frittering away his time in college.

Executive experience: I was president of an opera company in Washington D.C. so i have experience managing a business that's flat on its back.

Now, I have to admit, in all fairness, I have never won any contest of any sort in Lahaina.

However I feel my beard is superior to Neil's.

Finally, Neil is too short and Mufi is too tall. I, by contrast, am 5'10", which is precisely the right height.